An Issue of Biology
by Braveheart57
Summary: A particular trait of Gallifreyan physiology does more harm than good.
1. Introduction

The Doctor took great amusement in displaying his Time Lordy traits to his human friends. The two hearts, regeneration, even his respiratory bypass system, even if it hadn't been needed yet, as of late. One trait, however, was more inconvenient than it should be. The Doctor's bladder could hold quite a bit more than a human bladder. About 2.5 times as much, but that was all he needed to mock Mickey at every opportunity. He did see the hypocrisy in that. Because, while it meant he only needed to pee every 2-3 days, depending on his liquid intake, it made it quite difficult to keep track of how long it had been since last time, when he was adventuring through time and space, even getting imprisoned several times. Honestly, it's a miracle he hadn't had an accident yet. At least not in a couple of regenerations...


	2. Sattelite Five

Satellite Five:

Adam just fainted at the sight of the earth. Not surprising to the Doctor, since he'd have fainted the first time he saw the earth from above, if he hadn't had a respiratory bypass system. Though Rose was more surprised that him, and seemed to not appreciate her new friend's display of wimpiness. The Doctor was the exception. Though he wondered if that'd still be the case if she knew how he was feeling right now. He was seriously regretting that extra large smoothie thing. Why couldn't the TARDIS find adventure in a coffee shop or library? Then he could just swan off to the loo, Rose'd never know. Not to mention he had no clue where it was in this stupid giant satellite. Oh well, it would only be a few hours. "I'll be fine", he thought. And he was. Except for the imprisonment, but that was becoming par for the course at this point.


	3. Army of Ghosts

The Doctor went into the flat with Rose. His bladder gave off a slight tickle, so he dodged the motherly love sandwich that was Rose and Jackie, to go the loo. But alas, Jackie spotted him and ignored several yelps to put him down. The need wasn't that serious so it was quickly forgotten in favor of Jackie's now a bit more interesting supply of magazines. Then he left to check out the odd spectrally creatures, one of which had appeared next to Jackie and were now everywhere around the estate. One slithered through the Doctor, quite literally. It was very much NOT a comfortable experience. It was times like that he was glad he had such a big bladder or he was sure he'd pee himself a little bit at the cold sensation. He hoped Rose didn't notice him clenching his thighs together instantly as a defense. She didn't.

Then he got introduced to Torchwood. It was made clear fast that they liked him every bit as little as he liked them. It was his actions that lead to Queen Vicky to found the Institute, while they were responsible for the Sycorax ship gunfire last year, as well as several other counts of vile imperialism. The worst part was that he was their prisoner, which seemed to always happen when he needed to pee. After checking out the Void ship, he asked to see this "breach". He decided he should definitely pop to the loo first, and so took a left. "No, Doctor!" barked Yvonne Hartman behind him. Great. He'd forgotten about her. Apparently, they had different definitions of comfortable. He asked for tea which she thankfully didn't take seriously.


	4. The Runaway Bride

After saying goodbye to Rose, failing to say three universally important words, a woman in a wedding dress had appeared. Strange, considering the laws of physics that DID apply to his TARDIS. Normally this would quite excite him, if it weren't for the fact that he still hadn't been to the toilet, and his need had gotten quite past a level convenient for this situation. Still, he helped her. Christmas was apparently a bad time to haul taxis in wedding dresses. Including free ones. He helped Donna phone her family, and went to the ATM. Where, as tends to happen when in a line, his bladder came back with a vengeance. He was forced to do a vigorous hopping up and down. He thanked Rassilon that Donna wasn't there to see it. "Blimey, I really should have gone at Jackie's before Torchwood!" A thought came to mind reminding him that he couldn't have predicted Yvonne's ignorance of biology, but he wasn't listening to that. He should know better by now than to trust those imprisoning him to have compassion for that.


	5. Smith and Jones

His ecto-spleen was good for one thing, which was getting him into hospitals. One thing the Doctor wished it did properly, was storing roentgen radiation. It wasn't the first time roentgen radiation went to his bladder. He could recall quite a few childhood accidents with forgetting that fact back in kindergarten. But this was different. Normally he could expel it out in the toilet just fine. There was just one issue. Medical student Martha Jones was standing right in front of him. It seemed his bladder didn't care about that fact 'cause it itched horrendously. He had to try to shift to a part of the body where he could get it out in a less embarrassing fashion. He managed to get into his shoe, and while he had to do a quite amusing hop in one foot, it was worth it.


	6. Miscellanous:Travels with Martha

1599:

The Doctor ran down towards the Thames. He didn't like peeing in public, ever, but this was Elizabethan England.

Sound of Drums:

He really should remember to go in the TARDIS, before leaving for adventures. Especially ones involving capsule-less time travel.


	7. Miscellany 2: Donna

Partners in Crime:

"Maybe I should've hid in the gents instead? Nah, too potentially weird." He thought as he emerged from the closet, with another uncomfortable need to pee bothering him.

The Library:

"Oh, I should've looked for a toilet in this place when I got here.." he thought as he hid his need in his characteristically unnoticeable leg crossing.

The Shadow Proclamation:

"really should've gone in the TARDIS before going to talk to the Judoon", he thought as the legend of his species were brought up when his Earth was missing.


	8. the loo will be needed four times

Planet of the Dead:

One good thing about giant desert planets? You can pee anywhere you want! The Doctor wandered off to go behind some sand dune, when Christina followed him. Great. With Rose he'd just asked her to turn around, but this was a different kind of lack of privacy.

Waters of Mars:

He now found himself needing to get back to the TARDIS for two reasons, one to escape a disastrous fixed point in time, and two, he was starting to need the loo.

The End of Time:

The Silver Cloak has surrounded him for a group picture. This was a problem as he needed the loo.

The Master went on and on about his hunger and Christmas food. His resurrection clearly whacked his head, since he'd unfortunately forgotten that with Time Lords, thinking of food when you need to go, makes the need worse. "Oh boy"

Part 2:

The Vinvocci proceeded to wheel him out of the room. Whatever they needed to run away so fast for didn't matter, 'cause he'd very much like to get untied RIGHT NOW. He needed the loo quite badly, and even trying to inform them of this to steer them in the right direction didn't stop them from wheeling him down the STAIRS.. "well there's one use of a hard-plated seat" he thought before yelling at his spiky comrades. Then he was in a ship in orbit. Now that he wasn't moving he whined to be released, while trying to cross his legs, as he now needed to do. Getting loose was a mercy.

One thing state of grace does thankfully, is hide nervous system reactions like the need to pee. As the Doctor watched a younger Rose from afar, the need came back. The worst part was that it contained 20 nuclear bombs worth of radiation. So yeah, his body definitely wanted to pee NOW! He had to clench by the wall, and Rose noticed. He made up some excuse. He made a mental note to regenerate closer to the TARDIS next time. If he could help it. At this point he'd gotten really frustrated at his bladder problem. It was more of a problem of biology. He decided that if he could do it without suspicion, maybe with special trousers, he'd let himself have an accident for the sake of comfort. Just once.


	9. The Eleventh Hour of Need

The Eleventh Hour:

The Doctor held his aching left lower kidney at the duckless duck pond, he really wished he'd been able to pee before regenerating. The radiation had left his system and blew up the TARDIS, but his bladder was full nonetheless, from being tied up. Amy was one part of the problem, bit worse was that he was still regenerating his wibbly-wobblies, that he would need to address this need.

The Beast Below:

The Doctor decided to find a toilet on the ship, before checking out the mystery of the missing engine. He'd gotten a teeny bit less awkward about it, and gave an offhand use of the word "badly".

Vampires in Venice:

"Rassilon Imprimatur, this throne is uncomfortable", he thought as he wriggled against the uncomfortable pressure the chair gave certain muscles.

Amy's Choice:

The rapid waking up and falling asleep in one dream then the other, was annoying enough, bit worse than that was, that whichever world was real, and therefore the one he'd fallen asleep in originally, was one where he hadn't gone to the loo before bed. He figured he must've fallen asleep quite unnaturally to forget something so important. He'd never trusted his nerves when partially unconscious, not since his fifth regeneration had riddled his nerves and made him wee himself. So now, he needed the loo, but couldn't go to the toilet in either place, as either could be the dream, making the consequence of picking the wrong one, horribly embarrassing.

Vincent and the Doctor:

"Crikey, I really need the loo! Why are they still talking? The faster we can find out about the painting, the faster we can go back to the TARDIS for the night. And I can have a wee.."

He took a deep breath, then walked back toward the alley, when..

"AAH!". The fright made him pee a bit, before he managed to stop it. It was Amy! "You scared the living daylights out of me", he said. Really though, she'd scared the pee out of him. He checked his trousers to see if she could see he'd wet himself. Thank Rassilon, no spots. He hadn't wee'd that much. When Sticky uppy-hair asked him to give his bladder some leeway, this was probably not what he meant..


	10. just an evidence list of the 12th Doctor

**12th Doctor-**

Into the Dalek:

Swings a leg back.

Robots of Sherwood: Solved

Thank Rassilon Clara didn't see that..

SLIGHTLY UNRELATED: Knock Knock

He had a big lunch.. and yet still snacks on prawn chips.

The Doctor Falls:

Still forgets to pee before regenerating.


	11. just an evidence list of the 13th Doctor

**13th Doctor-**

The Ghost Monument:

She really misses her TARDIS, after being stuck on another sandplanet with people.

Kerblam:

Shifts uncomfortably while talking to Judy.

The Witchfinders:

Yaz startles her, and she really wishes she'd remembered to go before Elizabethan England..

It Takes You Away: Solved

That's not his wee..

Resolution: She should have gone at Ryan's place too..


End file.
